ennui

en⋅nui   [ahn-wee, ahn-wee; Fr. ahn-nwee]
–noun
a feeling of utter weariness and discontent resulting from satiety or lack of interest; boredom:

i am totally suffering from ennui. i'm so bored with my life. there's nothing interesting. sighs. yes, chinese new year's all right. i'm having fun. but look at the big picture. my life is headed nowhere. sighs. the root cause is of course, august 2007. stupid stupid me. since then, it's almost like i've been moving forward aimlessly.

it sucks to be on holiday when the rest of your friends aren't. sighs. solitude does me a lot of good at times. but too much of it just kills me. i get depressed thinking about the lack of achievement and meaning in my life. august 2007 completely derailed me and ever since then, i've been trying to bring myself back on track. but i seem to be at best running parallel to the track that will make me happy. sighs.

i'm leaving for china in 3 wks time. a part of me is dreading it. a part of me cannot wait to go. i'm dreading it because china sounds dreadful. it's like a third world country. i cannot wait to go because singapore is dreadful for me now...cos i've nothing to do in singapore now, no school, no work. i'm bored. ennui.

...to be continued as my family is going visiting