crazy weather

the weather in beijing is crazy. crazy crazy. it went from winter to summer back to winter. i went from winter coat to tee-shirt back to winter coat. because it was so warm one day that i was down to tee-shirt, so i ran out of dorm wearing just a tee-shirt the next day. and brrrrr...i nearly froze.

time passes so quickly. it's the end of march already. birthday in around 3 weeks. i'm getting older. i'm going to be 23. and i still have not done anything significant with my life. it's so scary to look into the future. i feel insecure, i feel uncertain. i dont know if i'm headed the right way. sigh. big big sigh. my life is a constant reminder of the principle of sowing and reaping, a constant reminder that every cause has an effect, which will in turn become a new cause. life is a string of uncertainties.

sighs. i think coming to china was just a temporary escape for me. my reality is back home, but i just leave home for a few months at a time to escape reality. ultimately, i need to change my reality though. and i will.

what do i want for my birthday this year? my wishlist hardly ever changes. hibiscus painting by phil pringle (i've wanted this since phil pringle started painting again), a gym ball, cash. but well. as i get older, presents start to mean less. a lot of times, the thought and the effort behind the gift means more. so what for my birthday? just a quiet time with friends i guess. and my best friend is coming to china for my birthday!! can't really ask for more than that.