look at the happy guy on the left. i miss him so much. i wish he would come back. or maybe i need to go look for him. in the united states, or in europe.
i wish something would go well in my life. it pains me that my life is like that. i am so depressed. it takes an effort for me to do anything. i have never been this depressed before. it just gets worse and worse. i'm killing myself slowly. sigh.
i was never popular. when u're fat, pple have preconceived notions about u. i never had it easy like some (selected lucky) people had. everything in my life, i worked very very hard for. if i wanted people to like me, i had to be nice to them. if i wanted results, i had to put in effort. some people have it easy. good looks, charisma...they have it all. things in life come easier for them (maybe not easy, but easier). my life is a culmination of my time, my sweat, my tears. it soooo saddens me that it's like that. everything i wanted, everything i achieved, i worked very hard for it.
the big question i have been asking myself. why? why am i such a failure? or should i say FAILURE with capital letters? where did i go wrong? i really don't know. was it august last year? december last year? maybe august this year? my life has nothing to look forward to. nothing. i spend my time staring at the ceiling. it never changes. i'm in a daze of depression all the time. life is being sucked right out of me. yujie's right. i'm wasting my life away. but i don't know where i can actually apply my life usefully. i have reached the dead end of the maze.
2007 was bad. but i ended 2007 hopeful for 2008. 2008 seems to be heading in the direction of worse. trial after trial after trial in 2008. how much more am i expected to take? just how much more? i'm down trodden, i'm battered, i'm tired, i feel like a complete loser.
i cannot imagine 2009.
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