jehovah

oh no, you never let go
through the calm and through the storm
oh no, you never let go
in every high and every low
oh no, you never let go
lord, you never let go of me

walking out of the first exam for this semester, i felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. on one hand, asia conference is really getting me pumped up. but on the other, i just feel that my life is a failure. dr ulf ekman preached a fantastic word last night. it was so good. trusting in god, u walk into a holy uncertainty. sometimes i feel that my life is wholly uncertain. but that's not that bad actually. my life now is wholly certain. it's certain that i'm not going to do well this sem. understatement! i will do so badly this sem. sigh.

before last september, aaron chew was a fighter. the aaron chew back then took pride in his work and despised slipshod behavior. the aaron chew back then strove for excellence. excellence=greater in quantity, better in quality, outdoing his job description, trying to outdo himself each time. always always always excellent. the aaron chew back then was happy and optimistic. the aaron chew back then knew where his life was going. the aaron chew back then was so full of hope.

the aaron chew today is someone i don't recognise. i don't know how my life went down this downhill journey. depressed, hopeless, accepting of mediocrity, easily knocked down, a terrible terrible failure. it's so sad. so depressing. i am really depressed.

god, i need u. i need the jehovah god, the redeeming god. where are u? please turn me back to the aaron chew i once was. i really don't like what i've turned into. i need a second chance. maybe not a second chance. cos time cannot be turned back. sigh. i need a fresh start.

thanks for being a great friend at this point in time. i told u that u don't need to care so much. u shd care abt your own studies. i don't want my state to drag u down too. yet, u choose to stay and lend a supporting arm. study hard! i hope u do exceedingly well! :D

two more papers to go. what a massacre.