retrospection

first, i need to write about last friday. if you read sebastian's blog, he writes about it so casually. but in my case, as a result of friday, i could not get out of bed on saturday, could not sit, stand or walk properly on saturday and sunday.

it was half day for me. so i decided to book a badminton court and try sparring with seb, who is a pro player. well, we went two games and i wanted to die. but he went on, next set next set!! i was so tired. i beat him three sets out of eight (for all three he was using his left hand).

i was so beat after badminton. so beat. but seb said, let's go bowling!! he is this insanely fit, crazy guy. so after a break at the cafe, we went bowling. because i had to take a call, he bowled by himself. we totalled 19 games, 13 of which were his. my right arm was on the verge of dropping off. but did seb slow down? noooo. he said let's go gym!! so fine, we went to the gym for a workout. i ran and he did weights. after the gym, seb said let's go swimming.

and thanks to all these exertions, all my muscles were aching and aching over the weekend. it was so not funny. not only is seb insanely fit, he's quite brilliant too (rare combination of brains and brawn). we had a game of chinese chess at night. and usually my peers don't hold out for long, but he took me all the way, losing to me only by a whisker. really had a great time that day. thanks seb. for what? well, shockingly, and this is so not me, i find myself enjoying sports a little. a big step forward from the pig i was last year!! it was probably the best day since i got back to singapore.

which brings me back to retrospection. more than a month in singapore. sighs. the sigh says it all. although this year is better than last, somehow i feel directionless and lost. feel like i'm in a rut. been working for almost six weeks. feel so frustrated. there are things i shouldn't write here. but well, i'm facing problems la.

i'm 23, going on to 24 soon. seriously, my life needs to go somewhere. i cannot stand just sitting around, realizing that i'm not doing anything or going anywhere. gosh i'm confused. every time i meet up with old friends, i see others doing amazing things in life. i need to do amazing things too!! arrrrrrgh. this is supposed to be the best time of my life. my twenties. why do i feel so frustrated? so soo sooo frustrated.

another thing that is adding to my confusion. i've been part of the same organization for years now. i've always loved the organization, the leaders, the people i get to work with. recently, i've started to question certain things in the organization. i've started to feel lethargy as i go for activites. i don't know what to do. i don't know if i'm thinking right. i don't know if i can carry on like this. i don't know if i'm going to stay for long. so many don't knows, so many doubts, so many unanswered questions, yet so many things to handle. i'm only human. forgive me.

i need to get my act together really. i'm really grateful for the friends around me. seb of cos, who is like the best buddy ever! and yujie, who has done so much to make my transition back to sg as comfortable as it can be - chatting constantly when i was in china, talking and meeting up often in sg, sharing the burden of my frustrations, talking in babiboo language that makes me laugh.

not forgetting xiu ming. such a blessing that she has been in singapore. we've managed to meet up once a week. she always provides a listening ear plus a wise and globalized perspective to everything. we laugh and reminisce together of our younger days (we are old, OLD!). very importantly, she took me to an excellent sichuan restaurant in singapore. sad thing is, she's leaving for new york this friday. take care xiu. i'll try my best to visit next year!! am going to miss you loads. i need more friends like you. :(